I am now into my third month of trying to regain my focus. I have good days and some that are not so good, but I have, for the most part, been able to avoid the out of control days. A good day is one where I am able to stay within my comfortable range of 1800 to 2200 calories and a bad day is when I am eating 2200 to 2800 calories. An out of control day means I have consumed over 2800 calories that day.
Was having dinner last month with my friends Buzz, Tom, Leo and George. Buzz made the comment that he admired my discipline. My initial response to that statement was to say that I had no discipline at all, which was why I had such a severe eating disorder. I told him that what he was, in fact, witnessing was my obsessive compulsive behavior being used to my benefit to help me control my eating problem, rather than my eating problem controlling me. The fact is that I cannot do anything in moderation. After forty years of trying to understand why I could not control my eating, I finally realized that there is no answer to that question. My obsessive compulsive personality disorder is not curable, but I have found that the solution to this disorder is in redirecting my energy and focusing it in a positive way.
I have directed my obsessive compulsive behavior toward exercise and obsessing over my eating program. Even when I am not entirely on track with my eating, as has been the case for the past three months, I am still focusing on what my eating habits should be and trying to get back on track. For some reason, my exercise program never seems to be a problem as it relates to desire or intensity of the workout. I never seem to lose my focus as it relates to exercise.
Can anyone out there relate to what I am saying? Please share your thoughts and experiences so we can get some dialogue going on the subject. Maybe then, we can all understand it a little better.